Flashback.

It’s a movie which runs in my head, 
every time someone takes your name.
I hate it, trust me I do
But, it makes me smile somewhere.
To know that it’s never going to be the same,
we have walked away from each other,
many miles away.
To see you as a different person today,
and me as someone else,
I see an end right there.
The flashbacks show me what we were,
back in time.
When everything seemed so easy and effortless.
You were there with me,
and I was there with you.
It was love, or maybe not
but whatever it was, it was true.

Imagine Infinities.

They say, 
eventually everything comes to an end.
Everything gets over.
Maybe, they are right.
We are all going to cease to exist.
I don’t know how to disagree.
Though I really want to
I persist.
But, what about the love we have always had
what about the endless memories we share
where would they go
will they just vanish away from this world
like it never happened
I know we have dreams
dreams made up of so much hope
that ties us to this life
that ties us to this living
Oh so beautiful this world is
why they say it’s going to end
End and
fall into so many pieces
I want to disagree
I want to change this very fact of the universe
Of going to the end from the beginning
I hope this could go reverse.
I want this to stay.
For this universe to consist
Million dreams and million lives
I will always persist.
Imagine no end.
Imagine continuity.
Imagine forever.
Imagine infinities.

Revelation.

My eyes, your face
My lips, your name
My ears, your voice
My soul, your life.
I lost myself to you, every single time, you embraced me in your arms
I lost myself to you
If I run away tomorrow
I don’t want to be found,
or maybe, I want to,
but if there’s any place,
they should find me in,
it’ll be your arms,
because it’s
the safest place I know.

I don’t know where we’ll end up
I don’t know if we’ll even end up together
but the moments I have spent with you
they’ll take me to places
they’ll take me where I want to go
Do you know
How I see you?
Do you know how much I want you?
I bet, you don’t,
I wish, you don’t.
You’ll never be able to take in so much from me
Boy, I don’t want to be a trouble in your life
I want to see you live beautifully
I want to see you happy, and carefree
It’s okay if your life doesn’t include me
I’ll cry
You don’t worry
Never let that smile fade away from that face
Never, promise me.
Will you?
Your smile
It is the reason why the blood in my body flows
It is the reason why I believe wonders happen 
Your smile, 
isn’t it a wonder?
The most beautiful sight my eyes have witnessed
It’s a revelation to the world in which we dwell,
you are more than a poetry can describe
you are more than a story can tell. 

Remembering.

I sit down, take a deep breath
think about the entire day in a moment
I smile, blush sitting there alone,
wondering what if anybody saw me like that.
I look at my palms, 
smell them
they still make me feel with you,
I blush again,
I shut my eyes and imagine you besides me,
and oh now they start dancing, 
the butterflies in my tummy.
Your eyes, they are home.
You don’t speak much, but they do
Twinkling, they tell me a lot more about you
than you, yourself.
I would look at you forever, 
forget about the reality
what a world it is, with you
dreamy, dreamy and dreamy.
Take me inside you, hold my soul
I don’t want to have a day
without you, I want you full, I want you whole.
Come, hold my hand,
tell me what you feel, tell me what you gain
make me lose my conscience
again and again and again.
I have written your name,
million times now,
it’s inside my system, it lives there somehow
when you touch me, every cell knows it’s you
because never do they feel so deeply,
never they feel so new.

Spotlight.

“Hey, you ugly duckling! Shut up and go home.”

11-year-olds don’t really understand how badly can words hurt, that sometimes, one shouldn’t be so honest and straightforward. But, as kids, who did ever care?

I remember when a boy in school said this to me, I was totally blank. Everyone who heard him saying that, started to laugh and I started to cry.
That one comment, changed the definition of my life.
I wasn’t ugly. I swear, I wasn’t. I just had braces and a very queer hairstyle. I basically looked odd.

I could just cry for few days, and then later forget about it. But, that never happened. Everything became uglier.

I started to hate looking at myself. I even started to hate my shadow. I stopped talking to people because I feared that when I’ll talk, they’ll look at my face. I used to spend most of my time at home.

I used to make excuses to avoid going to school. I used to pretend being sick. I stopped playing with my friends. I stopped talking to my neighbors. And the worst part? I stopped smiling too.
Dad changed my school thinking that I had some problem with the earlier one. It made a little difference. Just, a little.

I was in 8th grade then. I didn’t have braces now.  Nor did I have a weird hairstyle. Nobody called me the ugly ducking. Except, for me, myself.

Mom started to teach me how to play the violin as I was very fond of music. I used to spend hours and hours learning it. Even after school, I used to go to the playground and play the violin.

First few weeks at school were difficult. But, later on, I was just fine.
One day, after school, when I was sitting alone, playing the violin, a girl came with her two other friends and said,

“Hi, I am Monica. You’re in the other class, right? I have been noticing you for some time now. You are really good at this. My friends like it too.”

I got up awkwardly, smiled and said,
“Yes, I am new here. My name is Naomi.”

“Nice to meet you. I have been wondering if you would be interested to join our band. The Orange Glance. We play at various events and for the school too. We don’t really need a violin player for the band, but you seem like an exception. We practice at my friend’s house after school. His name is Gordon. Meet me after school tomorrow if you are interested.”

Band? No way. I thought. But, mom told me to give it a shot.

The next day, I met Monica and went for the practice.
Her friend Gordon, was the lead guitarist. From the little conversation I had with Monica before reaching Gordon’s house, I understood that she probably liked him.

“Gordon, this is er.. ” said Monica.

“Naomi.” I said.

“Yeah, Naomi. She is the girl I was telling you about. She is fantastic.”
I smiled when Monica said that.

Gordon liked how I played the violin and said that it would be great if I actually join them.

And, I did.

I became a part of The Orange Glance. We started practicing daily. School was so much easier now. Monica and I became really good friends, we started to hang out together. People started to know me. Though they knew me as ‘Monica’s friend’ or ‘That violin girl’, I was really happy.
Anything was better than being ‘the ugly duckling.’

Monica was a great girl. She was pretty, talented and was the vocalist.

She was this popular girl in school, everybody knew and adored. So, obviously when I used to hang out with her, I used to get very little attention.

Our band performances were a hit. We took part in various competitions, won a lot of them and were very famous. Though, I was never under the spotlight (I was not worth being under the spotlight too), I enjoyed playing for TOG in the dark.
I used to be the invisible person on the stage. People used to realize that I am there on the stage, only when Monica introduced us by the end of the performance.

Monica evidently liked Gordon. Everyone knew about it.
I liked him too. But, no one knew about it. Not even my mom.

He was this sweet, adorable guy, who anyone would want to be with. But, I knew about my chances. There were none. Zero.

The only conversations I used to have with him, were related to the band.  And trust me, there were hardly any. Monica spoke on my behalf most of the time. Every time, I tried to talk to him, Monica would interfere.
That was okay. I knew she wanted to be with him.

Monica didn’t appear for a band practice one day.
“We need a vocalist. Who’s gonna sing?” the drummer (Ed) asked.

Gordon looked at me, when I was busy pretending to be invisible.
“Naomi? Can you try?” He asked.

I used to get nervous even while talking in front of him. Singing? No way. But, I actually did Monica’s job.
I remember after the practice, Gordon came up to me and said,
“You’re immensely talented, Naomi. It’s great to have you with us. “

I literally went crazy, got too awkward and said something really irrelevant to change the topic quickly,

“Do you like doughnuts? My mom makes great doughnuts.”

He laughed.

I was such a horrible person, I thought. Gordon must be thinking I am a fool. When I told this incident to Monica, she said,

“That’s exactly why you’ll never get boys.” and laughed it off.
Well.

I really loved Gordon. Only if he knew about it. Only if,

I was not the ugly duckling.

By the end of the year, Monica finally decided to tell Gordon what she felt for him. She decided to tell it to him, on the last day of school. And there I was, a shame on my own existence.

The last day of the year finally arrived. We had this ‘Goodbye’ ceremony, where everybody dressed up, partied, spoke about the best things of that year, performed and did silly things.

Monica looked too pretty, I knew Gordon would fall for her by the end of the ceremony. I looked okay. Probably better than everyday. I tried.

 While entering the hall, I saw Gordon with his other friends.

He looked flawless.

“Naomi! You know what? I got to know that Gordon’s going to sing a song for the girl he likes today. Can you beat that? He is going to sing a song for me!” Monica excitedly said this to me.

Monica’s confidence was something. But, she could totally be right. There was nobody else Gordon would like.

“Oh my god Mon! I am so happy for you. Can’t wait for you to be with him.” I said.

I was very excited, not because he was going to confess it to Monica, but he was going to sing. Gordon Jackman was going to sing.
The moment finally came.

Gordon went on to the stage smiling. He looked pretty nervous. The lights of the entire hall went off. The lights were only on him now. He looked like a star. Literally.

He started to speak,

“The entire year, I have met a lot of people. Made a lot of friends. I have had the time of my life performing. TOG has been the best thing that has happened to me this year and I am glad I was a part of it. I have never done anything beyond playing the guitar on the stage. I don’t even consider myself very good at it. But, what I am going to do today is something I’ll be doing for the first time. I wrote a song.” he said.

I looked at Monica. She was almost on the edge of her seat. I smiled. I was happy for her somehow.

“I am going to sing that song today. For her. For the girl, I love. I hope she likes the song.” he giggled. “But, let’s keep this a mystery. You’ll will know who she is after I am done singing. She’ll be right under the spotlight.”
I could sense the excitement the crowd felt. I was still looking at Monica. She was indeed very lucky.

Gordon started to sing. His voice was so good that the entire crowd went quiet. How could someone be so incredible? I wondered.
I stood there, looking at him. Imagining how it would be if he was singing that song for me. I was almost in tears.
 I slowly shut my eyes and cried.
I could picture all the moments with him. The first time I met him. The awkward hellos. The awkward handshakes. The way he used to smile when Monica used to introduce me on the stage. The very little horrible conversations. The way he said, ‘Naomi.’
Everything felt so heavenly. Every little moment with him.

I loved him. I loved him so much.

When he was done singing, the entire crowd applauded. I realized I cried more than I was supposed to. I opened my eyes to look at Monica, only to realize that she was looking at me too.

To my surprise, I was no more in the dark.

I was the girl under the spotlight.

Endless list.

A random cafe
somewhere far away
a new city
a new place, on a Tuesdsay
Few years from now
I want to be there
sipping in hot coffee
looking at the street’s affair
new faces & a different society
people walking and
going somewhere,
always going somewhere
 I want a book in my hand,
my favourite book probably
and few flowers in my bag too
orchids, lilies or roses possibly
I want to be sitting there
thinking about nothing
but just watching, watching the world.
I want to walk on a street
with trees on both the sides
I want to see Autumn
the beautiful weather change
How falling leaves look like
Red, yellow and orange
I want to see sunshine
falling on a pond nearby
Kids playing in the park
Under the beautiful sky
Kids on a merry go round
Running here and there,
Giggling and falling
Like they really dont care
I want to see rain
A heavy rain I suppose
I want to see people
under colorful umbrellas,
still drenched clothes
I want to see snow
white and cold,
Like ice cream
a snow man I want to mould.
I want to taste snow flakes
Falling down from the sky
I want to take a random cab
and watch the shops passing by
Want to visit all the markets
to buy irrelevant little things
and stuff them into my pockets
inspite of having many slings
I want to talk to a random old lady
sitting on a bench
 know her perspective
towards life and learn french
I want to watch a man
playing a guitar
people clapping around him
like he is some film star
I want to see an art exhibition
happening on a street
people appreciating art
being nice and sweet
I want to know something
I have never known before
I want to eat fruits of different kinds
berries, apples and more
I want to inhale air
which has never gone inside me
I want to know how the world is
on the other side of the sea
I want to be a traveller
Not a tourist
I want to dream, wonder and explore
Endless is the list.

The Today’s Special.

 I had always imagined how it would be to fall in love, how it would be to long for that one person. I had always imagined it to be strange and beautiful.
Surprisingly, it was exactly like that.

A new bakery had opened near my house. Freshly baked muffins, cakes, biscuits were a hit there.
Muffins and cakes never appealed to me, but I thought of going to the place because of its instant popularity.
I saw her there for the first time. She worked in the bakery. It was her dad’s. The moment I saw her I understood why ‘Rico’s’ was so popular. I had never seen someone so charming. She had tied her hair up and was wearing a light pink lipstick.

I stood in the line and waited for my turn. I noticed how she was talking to people. How she smiled at everyone before taking their order. She merrily said “Have a nice day! Hope to see you soon” to everyone. The aura around her made me feel that she was a celebration. And boy, she was, indeed.

When I was about to reach the counter, she got a call and uncle Rico stood at the counter.

“How you want me to make your day today? Sweet, warm and nice?” Uncle Rico laughed.

I smiled, nodded.

“So, what will you like to have young man?” he asked.
I didn’t know what to order, so I simply looked at ‘Today’s Special’ board and pointed at it.

“Strawberry cream cheese bread and quick cinnamon rolls, sir.”I said.

“My daughter’s favourite is today’s special. She will be very happy with your order. Let her serve you,” he smiled and called her from the kitchen.
She came wiping her hands with a napkin and looked at me and smiled.
I smiled back.

She served me the bread and rolls and told me to have a seat.

“Have a nice day favourite customer!” she yelled at me while I was approaching a seat.

I turned back and she smiled again.

God, favourite customer. Why would she do that to me, I wondered.

I was eating the rolls and the bread, and they were beyond delicious. Baked magic. Totally.
After a few minutes, when I actually forgot how I was not a ‘fan’ of baked stuff and got totally mesmerized, she came towards my seat  and said,
“Dad and I had a bet. The items mentioned under ‘Today’s Special’ are actually my recipes. I basically am the creator.” She giggled. “He said if someone ever orders for Today’s Special, and they give me a good feedback, he’ll let me go to France for culinary training” she said.

“That’s amazing. These are the best rolls and cream cheese breads, I have ever had.”

“I am glad you liked them. If you fill this feedback form, and rate ‘Today’s Special’ a 5 on 5, I will win the bet and fly to France soon” She seemed extremely excited and she couldn’t stop smiling.

I didn’t think much, quickly filled the feedback form, rated ‘Today’s Special’ a 5 on 5 and wrote my heart in the comment area.

I could sense her happiness while I filled the form. When I wrote my name and number, she quickly said “I’ll text you sometime.” She stood up.

“Hey, what’s your name?” I asked.

“Iris.”

The very next day, I went to Rico’s again and without thinking much, I ordered the ‘Today’s Special’. Iris happily served me and gave me free chocolates too. While she was serving me, uncle Rico smiled at me and said, “So, you’re the favourite customer Iris was telling me about.”
Iris giggled.

So, for about two weeks, I went to Rico’s everyday and ordered ‘Today’s Special.’ I even suggested the place to my friends and family. I hated raisins, but once I ordered raisin muffins because, Iris.

One night, she texted me,

“Hi ‘favourite customer.’ A friend of yours told me about your love for coffee and walnuts and dislike for raisins. I wonder why you still ordered and ate the muffins. I’ll always remember your sweet gesture. Also, those ‘morning glory muffins’ lacked glory, I mean, sugar. You rated them a 5 anyway.
Thank you so much.
Iris Rico.”

The next day, when I went to the bakery, I got to know that Iris had left the city. I was upset, but  happy for Iris because she was going to do what she wanted.
The place suddenly seemed to lack the zest, the gusto. I missed her. Waiting in the line seemed pointless. I was thinking about her and then my eyes fell on the ‘Today’s Special’ board.

It read,

“Noah’s Coffee cream and walnut cupcakes.
Have great day customers! Don’t forget to smile today.”

She named a recipe after me.

Iris. She knew the way to my heart.

(I don’t own the rights of the image. It is used only for representational purposes)