“I didn’t want to be there anymore, probably because I could sense how badly my heart’s gonna wrench.
I wanted to get up, shout at them and literally disappear from there within seconds.
But, was that even possible? That required courage, and I simply didn’t have that.
I didn’t have that shameless bravery. I was weak. I didn’t know how to stand for myself.
So, I never did.
Every time they bullied me, I sat there, tears down my cheeks, not knowing what to say.
I hated myself every moment, a lot more than I hated them.
It wasn’t their fault, it was mine.
I allowed them to rag me. So, they did.
Some things are never taught in school.
They never teach you how to help yourself when someone’s trying to put you down.
The maths never formulated, the science never assisted. Language didn’t help too, because I just couldn’t speak.
All I wanted to do is get up and run.
But, I didn’t.

I never told anything to mom and dad. I started to write about it in a notebook.
Grand mom visited us for few days during Christmas. I wasn’t very close to her but she was extremely approachable. A night before the new year, she sat next to me when I was crying outside our house. She held my hand and said, “Don’t wait for someone to fix your life. Nobody will. You have to find the strength to fight this alone Phil. Throw it all out.”

I just nodded, and acted like I didn’t know what she’s saying.

When I went up to my room, I quickly started to look for my notebook. It had a note saying, “SCREAM.”

It continued for a long time. Every time I used to go to the canteen, they used to look at me and laugh. I used to be called everything, but my name. I avoided looking at them. But, my hands used to shiver while holding the plate. I could hear them laugh. Loudly. When they laughed together, it sounded exactly how it sounds when dogs growl. I used to get really scared.

As things started to turn worse, I stopped going to the canteen. I used to stuff dry fruits in my pockets before going to school and survive on that.

One day, I was extremely hungry and had no option but to go to the canteen. When I went there, they all started staring at me. Slowly they started coming closer. I tried to walk faster towards my classroom. They followed me while saying mean things. Everyone looked at what’s happening but nobody bothered to help. I ran with tears on my cheeks. I could barely breathe.

I didn’t know what to do, so I just started screaming till everyone could hear. When I screamed, all of them ran away. They got scared of the alarm I raised.
Teachers came to help me and got hold of the situation.

All of them were suspended.

That day I learnt the importance of raising your voice. That day I learnt, if there is anyone who’s going to help you in times of trouble, it’s you, yourself.”

– Diary of a survivor


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