Guilty as charged 

it took me exactly three years 24 days to get over what you said and five nights 

to forget a joke everyone just laughed about.

it wasn’t about me they said repeatedly 

but I still allowed

my mind to build a house around it to make my visits regular.

take it easy man, 

their voices echo

and I look at them like they

speak of a science I have never learnt about. 

you ask me

where the problem lies

and a finger of mine will turn to myself even when I’m asleep.
I do not know when 

not to say sorry because I use it for everything I do. 

there’s traffic

I’m sorry

there’s rain

I’m sorry

there’s no music

I’m sorry

there’s nothing 

I’m sorry 

I’m sorry 

I’m sorry 

I breathe. 

now I’m carving it in my nerves because that is how apologetic I am now and will always be. 

on most nights, 

the voice in my head is my only enemy because it only tells me the things I want to forget about. 

again and again. 

every second. every day. 

you’re not enough 

you’re not enough 

you are not enough. 

shut it. I know. 

it is absurd. ridiculous. almost nonsensical how badly I want to mute every thing in my head. 

but believe me I’ve tried. I’ve tried to release my heart from the claws of self-resent but the bar hasn’t moved an inch yet. 

also tell me, if it is possible 

to survive when you’re guilty as charged

but also the victim?

Image courtesy to the owner.


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