Pursuit of liking your own self 

As ridiculous as it sounds, I’ve been not liking myself so much lately. You could blame it on the abundance of free time that I have or maybe there is more to it. On a recent dinner, my mum got to know that I’ve not been too comfortable with myself and her first question was, “How does one not like oneself?” Well, it is normal of her to have that quandary because, to be honest, even I don’t know where all of this begins. But, it makes me wonder if it is even a normal thing to have issues with your own self. 

Before we go ahead, I want to say, I’m not depressed. I have my moments of joy and I have lots of things to look forward to in life. But, every night (since a month) I’ve been struggling to shut the voices in my head.

Every time I think of someone or see someone on social media, I automatically put myself to believe that they are much better than me. And, it escalates to a point, that I begin to pinpoint my flaws again and again. I’m not a pessimistic person and I truly believe in the power of universe.

However, in no way, I have been able to get rid of such thoughts from hovering in my mind.

A lot of people tell me that if you do not like yourself, how do you expect people around you to like you? And, I wonder if that even makes sense or it is indeed the way this world functions.

As any other person, I google stupid questions at night and expect WikiHow to solve my everyday miseries. More often than not, I end up feeling worse. From what I understand, I don’t think there is a way for an external factor (at least not the internet) to help me with this problem. But, I must mention that social media is partially responsible for how things have shaped up in my head. 

What haunts me is the idea that such feelings begin to grow on you with time and find a way to make it a part of you. And, no. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life, thinking negatively about me because I understand that it is powerful enough to affect everything in my life.

Anxiety is a bitch and it controls pretty much everything I do. The worst part being I don’t know what exactly triggers is and how to stop myself from not liking myself.

Does talking to yourself or picturing good things about your life help? Because I have tried and it makes me feel that it saturates the whole thought altogether.

For now, I know, I’ve felt this for a long time and to accept myself eventually is a pursuit. For now, I know, I can only breathe and tell myself that things always get better. For now, I hope this pursuit eventually turns into a habit and self-acceptance grows in me like a flower in the sunshine.

Originally posted on Medium. 

Advertisements

3 Comments

  1. I think social media in general has a bad effect on more socially anxious people like you and me. Facebook is virtually useless to me when except for some family photos on there. I get what you mean by feeling like other people have better lives than you. I could see a photo one of my friends took at an event he or she went to recently and my mind immediately goes to, “your life sucks, everyone else is having so much more fun than you”. And I know this isn’t true but somehow the thought sticks. The only way I know how to deal with it is to not use social media as much and acknowledge that Facebook is not an exclusive view into every aspect (good and bad) in a person’s life.

    I have A LOT of spare time as well. Ugh. I never know how to plan my days or what activities to do…

    I don’t like myself either. It’s hard to say where this all began. I have self confidence issues, in addition to social anxiety. However, I do think you are right that you can’t spend the rest of your life thinking negatively about yourself. From my own experience, that’s what I did (thinking negatively about myself) for almost all my life. I’m 27 now and my self esteem was so sh*tty that up until like last year, I couldn’t even walk into a cafe by myself and order a drink all bc I was worried about saying the wrong order or somehow offending the barista with my clumsiness.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Hi! I can totally understand what you are trying to say because I have been through similar moments too. A lot of times I begin to question my self worth too and the thoughts that follow totally suck. However, the good part is that both of us realize the kind of situation we are in so we can at least try our best to get out of it.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      1. Trying can be a hit or miss and I mostly attempt to do things on a day by day basis. I don’t want to be hard on myself if I don’t meet a specific goal that I had for one day. It can be difficult to find the right balance to be able to push myself but not attempt things that may still be too much for me right now.

        Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s