Pursuit of liking your own self 

As ridiculous as it sounds, I’ve been not liking myself so much lately. You could blame it on the abundance of free time that I have or maybe there is more to it. On a recent dinner, my mum got to know that I’ve not been too comfortable with myself and her first question was, “How does one not like oneself?” Well, it is normal of her to have that quandary because, to be honest, even I don’t know where all of this begins. But, it makes me wonder if it is even a normal thing to have issues with your own self. 

Before we go ahead, I want to say, I’m not depressed. I have my moments of joy and I have lots of things to look forward to in life. But, every night (since a month) I’ve been struggling to shut the voices in my head.

Every time I think of someone or see someone on social media, I automatically put myself to believe that they are much better than me. And, it escalates to a point, that I begin to pinpoint my flaws again and again. I’m not a pessimistic person and I truly believe in the power of universe.

However, in no way, I have been able to get rid of such thoughts from hovering in my mind.

A lot of people tell me that if you do not like yourself, how do you expect people around you to like you? And, I wonder if that even makes sense or it is indeed the way this world functions.

As any other person, I google stupid questions at night and expect WikiHow to solve my everyday miseries. More often than not, I end up feeling worse. From what I understand, I don’t think there is a way for an external factor (at least not the internet) to help me with this problem. But, I must mention that social media is partially responsible for how things have shaped up in my head. 

What haunts me is the idea that such feelings begin to grow on you with time and find a way to make it a part of you. And, no. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life, thinking negatively about me because I understand that it is powerful enough to affect everything in my life.

Anxiety is a bitch and it controls pretty much everything I do. The worst part being I don’t know what exactly triggers is and how to stop myself from not liking myself.

Does talking to yourself or picturing good things about your life help? Because I have tried and it makes me feel that it saturates the whole thought altogether.

For now, I know, I’ve felt this for a long time and to accept myself eventually is a pursuit. For now, I know, I can only breathe and tell myself that things always get better. For now, I hope this pursuit eventually turns into a habit and self-acceptance grows in me like a flower in the sunshine.

Originally posted on Medium. 


You Need This

Never apologize for being what you are. Never say sorry, when it’s not your mistake. Laugh. Laugh without worrying about how your face will look, because you look the most beautiful when you close your eyes and throw your head back. Don’t ask people to validate you. You’re a human. Don’t be scared to taste sorrow, it’s not bad, trust me. But, when you touch happiness, when you taste joy, promise me, you’ll enjoy every bite. Forgive people when they don’t understand you. Let them take their time. Don’t spend too much time on someone who wouldn’t spend an evening with you watching your favourite TV show. Let your secrets be with you, but once in a while, let them free. When you sing, don’t worry about the lyrics. Most of us don’t get them right. Spend on what you want. Grab all your favourite chocolate bars and spend a night enjoying your own company. Cry over things that made you feel bad, but never again, let that happen to you. Move ahead, don’t think of what has happened. Don’t tell someone to stay around. The ones who love you and will stick to you like glue. Dream a lot. Talk about what you want to do. But, don’t just talk. Work hard. Work hard and go grab your dreams. When you fall in love, never worry. Just fall, love. Love without thinking of a god damn thing. The most beautiful things happen, and you never realize. Love is exactly like that. Don’t wait for it to happen. It will happen, maybe, when you’ll totally give up on it. But, it will. I promise. Be happy, live the life you have. Let your worries take a back seat, while you enjoy the sunshine that kisses your cheek every morning, and I am sure one day, you’ll realize that life is not about happy endings, but whatever that happens before the end.


Feel better.

I often feel the need of spending some time alone. It comes off as this craving to look deeper into myself and to drift away in the clouds of my own pondering. It is sort of an exercise. It takes me to this land where I find myself without masks, without anything to hide how I feel. And, it feels good.
I often look back at what I have done. I touch my scars and they seem okay. I am proud of them.

I think about my mistakes. I roam around with a lot of regrets, and this is usually the time when I think I should let them go. Each one of us is made up of multiple stories. We are constantly writing a new chapter. We are a character that has a lot of depth. But, how often do we understand who we really are? These are some existential questions and I am going to avoid them right now.

However, you need to get a microscopic view of what you are. It heals you if you do it right.
Go meet yourself for a cup of coffee today. Take yourself for a drive and enjoy the wind. Go for a walk and hear what you have to say. Cry, laugh and be okay with whoever you are.

In the end, it all comes down to accepting yourself for who you are. You are, who you are, for a lot of reasons. The reasons don’t matter anymore. What matters is how you look at yourself, what you feel about yourself when you look in the mirror in the morning.

Don’t be so harsh on yourself.

You don’t always get served with scoops of sky dusted with shiny stars every day.
You don’t always get to float in the gigantic sky that offers you a cloud to rest your body upon.
You don’t need it either. 
You eventually realise that stars look good only in the sky and not in your plate.
You go on to accept that the sky is too vast for your body that fits perfectly in your bed.
You don’t need magical things in life to realise how beautiful it is. 
You just need to find magic in simple things life offers.

(I don’t own any rights to this image. It’s used for representative purposes)