Pursuit of liking your own self 

As ridiculous as it sounds, I’ve been not liking myself so much lately. You could blame it on the abundance of free time that I have or maybe there is more to it. On a recent dinner, my mum got to know that I’ve not been too comfortable with myself and her first question was, “How does one not like oneself?” Well, it is normal of her to have that quandary because, to be honest, even I don’t know where all of this begins. But, it makes me wonder if it is even a normal thing to have issues with your own self. 

Before we go ahead, I want to say, I’m not depressed. I have my moments of joy and I have lots of things to look forward to in life. But, every night (since a month) I’ve been struggling to shut the voices in my head.

Every time I think of someone or see someone on social media, I automatically put myself to believe that they are much better than me. And, it escalates to a point, that I begin to pinpoint my flaws again and again. I’m not a pessimistic person and I truly believe in the power of universe.

However, in no way, I have been able to get rid of such thoughts from hovering in my mind.

A lot of people tell me that if you do not like yourself, how do you expect people around you to like you? And, I wonder if that even makes sense or it is indeed the way this world functions.

As any other person, I google stupid questions at night and expect WikiHow to solve my everyday miseries. More often than not, I end up feeling worse. From what I understand, I don’t think there is a way for an external factor (at least not the internet) to help me with this problem. But, I must mention that social media is partially responsible for how things have shaped up in my head. 

What haunts me is the idea that such feelings begin to grow on you with time and find a way to make it a part of you. And, no. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life, thinking negatively about me because I understand that it is powerful enough to affect everything in my life.

Anxiety is a bitch and it controls pretty much everything I do. The worst part being I don’t know what exactly triggers is and how to stop myself from not liking myself.

Does talking to yourself or picturing good things about your life help? Because I have tried and it makes me feel that it saturates the whole thought altogether.

For now, I know, I’ve felt this for a long time and to accept myself eventually is a pursuit. For now, I know, I can only breathe and tell myself that things always get better. For now, I hope this pursuit eventually turns into a habit and self-acceptance grows in me like a flower in the sunshine.

Originally posted on Medium. 

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Dear Younger Self

Dear younger self,

If I had to protect you from everything that is going to come your way, I would be logical with you. I would tell you not to go around trusting everyone who smiles at you and the world isn’t always a merryland. But, life isn’t a game and there is no winner. So, what’s the point of having a plan?

Instead, this is what I want you to know.

You are going to meet a lot of people in your way, and chances are, you’ll like all of them. And, it’s okay. I’m not telling you none of them aren’t worth the heart you put into them. I’m just giving a subtle warning that they might not offer you the same things in return. You’ll wish the world for them but they might not think of you even in their good times. It’s okay. You’ll be fine, irrespective.

You have a strange picture of the world in your head. You believe things are just that way. Maybe, they are. Who knows? A belief is a safe harbor and you’re lucky to have one. But, hey, if life takes a left instead of taking the right, do not panic. Sit back. Relax. You are going to be where you’re supposed to be.

You’re going to invest in the wrong places at the wrong time. Sometimes, even the wrong people. And, don’t be afraid of it. You are going to do it anyway and you must. Too many wrongs will teach you a solid right. You’ll learn things that’ll be exclusively meant for you.

You go to sleep with certain scenarios in your head. Some so ridiculous and sweet that they make you cry. Are they going to happen? I won’t tell you. But, here’s what you should know instead. Life is capable of going beyond your imagination and there is a possibility that it’ll give you a lot more than you’ll ask.

Love? It will come to you. Probably, not in the way you must have pictured it to.

There are also chances, that you’ll be fooled. Everything will feel so right that you’ll say – this is it. And, you might be mistaken. That will be an experience and it’ll teach you how to protect yourself.

And, love will be there. At your door. Chances are it’ll not be so obvious. Chances are you’ll not want to open the door because your belief will be cracked. But, listen to me. Open the door.

Always be crazy. Never foolish.

You Need This

Never apologize for being what you are. Never say sorry, when it’s not your mistake. Laugh. Laugh without worrying about how your face will look, because you look the most beautiful when you close your eyes and throw your head back. Don’t ask people to validate you. You’re a human. Don’t be scared to taste sorrow, it’s not bad, trust me. But, when you touch happiness, when you taste joy, promise me, you’ll enjoy every bite. Forgive people when they don’t understand you. Let them take their time. Don’t spend too much time on someone who wouldn’t spend an evening with you watching your favourite TV show. Let your secrets be with you, but once in a while, let them free. When you sing, don’t worry about the lyrics. Most of us don’t get them right. Spend on what you want. Grab all your favourite chocolate bars and spend a night enjoying your own company. Cry over things that made you feel bad, but never again, let that happen to you. Move ahead, don’t think of what has happened. Don’t tell someone to stay around. The ones who love you and will stick to you like glue. Dream a lot. Talk about what you want to do. But, don’t just talk. Work hard. Work hard and go grab your dreams. When you fall in love, never worry. Just fall, love. Love without thinking of a god damn thing. The most beautiful things happen, and you never realize. Love is exactly like that. Don’t wait for it to happen. It will happen, maybe, when you’ll totally give up on it. But, it will. I promise. Be happy, live the life you have. Let your worries take a back seat, while you enjoy the sunshine that kisses your cheek every morning, and I am sure one day, you’ll realize that life is not about happy endings, but whatever that happens before the end.

happy

For Gloomy Days

If you are having a bad day or if you just need a reason to smile, here are few lines that will make things easy.

1. Because you’re powerful.

I threw rocks on their standards of beauty
and smiled wide showing my uneven teeth
they told me I didn’t walk how I was supposed to
I still chose to dance on my bare feet

2. Because you deserve it.

you don’t deserve the lonely nights
or sleeping with fears
you don’t deserve the endless fight
or getting up with tears
you deserve the warmth
and the joy of unpredictable hugs
you deserve the flowers of spring
and all the possible goodness on earth

3. Because you can.

taste the rainbow
paint the sky
touch the clouds
believe me
you were born to fly.

4. Because egos can rest.
we sat next to the sea
with our egos kept aside
she gave me her secret
I gave her mine
in no time we realised
how lonely we have been
in no time we realised
we never lived it right
5. Because you need it.

you are blind to your own light
but trust me it’s enough to
show me the way home

fdc81-ego_quote

Hope these lines made you feel better. Count on me when you need a friend, and don’t forget to say hi! Have a good day!

For more, follow my page on Instagram – @untitledwhispers

Feel better.

I often feel the need of spending some time alone. It comes off as this craving to look deeper into myself and to drift away in the clouds of my own pondering. It is sort of an exercise. It takes me to this land where I find myself without masks, without anything to hide how I feel. And, it feels good.
I often look back at what I have done. I touch my scars and they seem okay. I am proud of them.

I think about my mistakes. I roam around with a lot of regrets, and this is usually the time when I think I should let them go. Each one of us is made up of multiple stories. We are constantly writing a new chapter. We are a character that has a lot of depth. But, how often do we understand who we really are? These are some existential questions and I am going to avoid them right now.

However, you need to get a microscopic view of what you are. It heals you if you do it right.
Go meet yourself for a cup of coffee today. Take yourself for a drive and enjoy the wind. Go for a walk and hear what you have to say. Cry, laugh and be okay with whoever you are.

In the end, it all comes down to accepting yourself for who you are. You are, who you are, for a lot of reasons. The reasons don’t matter anymore. What matters is how you look at yourself, what you feel about yourself when you look in the mirror in the morning.

Don’t be so harsh on yourself.

 
You don’t always get served with scoops of sky dusted with shiny stars every day.
You don’t always get to float in the gigantic sky that offers you a cloud to rest your body upon.
You don’t need it either. 
You eventually realise that stars look good only in the sky and not in your plate.
You go on to accept that the sky is too vast for your body that fits perfectly in your bed.
You don’t need magical things in life to realise how beautiful it is. 
You just need to find magic in simple things life offers.
 


(I don’t own any rights to this image. It’s used for representative purposes)

Love doesn’t understand

love doesn’t understand time zones
so it’ll ask me to call you at an odd hour like 2 am
love doesn’t understand what it means
when you say ‘I’m busy’
so it’ll ask me to message you
9 times in a row
love doesn’t understand you’re
half the world away from me
so it’ll make me want to meet you
every now and then

and that’s all I want you to know
that love doesn’t understand
a thing darling,

so, I hope you do.

https://67.media.tumblr.com/c0b44596d4e9c41f980de875b64730b2/tumblr_naot95Efnn1tf0o67o1_r1_500.jpg

Something You Should Know

Here’s something I always wanted you to know // You don’t need to necessarily feel perfect. You don’t have to be beautiful or unaffected.
You have to understand that there will be days when you will become a victim of your own thoughts. And then there will be nights when you just want to disconnect from everyone for a while. You don’t have to please everyone. You can’t and you shouldn’t.
 
It’s okay to feel guilty or upset. It’s okay to feel things because that’s what keeps you alive.
However, don’t fail to find happiness. Because, it is always around you.
Remember –
Stars will always be there in the sky. And flowers will continue to smell good. The sky will always be the biggest canvas we’ll ever know. And, the sea will always hear your story.
There is enough love in the world to keep you warm. There is enough light to show you the way. There is enough magic to make everything fine.
And finally – I want you to know that the world might be a gloomy place today. But, the sun will be out tomorrow – shining like it has never been low.
I want you to know that no matter where life takes you, you will always have a warrior along. A warrior who will never give up. A warrior – that’s you.
Life