Dear Younger Self

Dear younger self,

If I had to protect you from everything that is going to come your way, I would be logical with you. I would tell you not to go around trusting everyone who smiles at you and the world isn’t always a merryland. But, life isn’t a game and there is no winner. So, what’s the point of having a plan?

Instead, this is what I want you to know.

You are going to meet a lot of people in your way, and chances are, you’ll like all of them. And, it’s okay. I’m not telling you none of them aren’t worth the heart you put into them. I’m just giving a subtle warning that they might not offer you the same things in return. You’ll wish the world for them but they might not think of you even in their good times. It’s okay. You’ll be fine, irrespective.

You have a strange picture of the world in your head. You believe things are just that way. Maybe, they are. Who knows? A belief is a safe harbor and you’re lucky to have one. But, hey, if life takes a left instead of taking the right, do not panic. Sit back. Relax. You are going to be where you’re supposed to be.

You’re going to invest in the wrong places at the wrong time. Sometimes, even the wrong people. And, don’t be afraid of it. You are going to do it anyway and you must. Too many wrongs will teach you a solid right. You’ll learn things that’ll be exclusively meant for you.

You go to sleep with certain scenarios in your head. Some so ridiculous and sweet that they make you cry. Are they going to happen? I won’t tell you. But, here’s what you should know instead. Life is capable of going beyond your imagination and there is a possibility that it’ll give you a lot more than you’ll ask.

Love? It will come to you. Probably, not in the way you must have pictured it to.

There are also chances, that you’ll be fooled. Everything will feel so right that you’ll say – this is it. And, you might be mistaken. That will be an experience and it’ll teach you how to protect yourself.

And, love will be there. At your door. Chances are it’ll not be so obvious. Chances are you’ll not want to open the door because your belief will be cracked. But, listen to me. Open the door.

Always be crazy. Never foolish.

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You Need This

Never apologize for being what you are. Never say sorry, when it’s not your mistake. Laugh. Laugh without worrying about how your face will look, because you look the most beautiful when you close your eyes and throw your head back. Don’t ask people to validate you. You’re a human. Don’t be scared to taste sorrow, it’s not bad, trust me. But, when you touch happiness, when you taste joy, promise me, you’ll enjoy every bite. Forgive people when they don’t understand you. Let them take their time. Don’t spend too much time on someone who wouldn’t spend an evening with you watching your favourite TV show. Let your secrets be with you, but once in a while, let them free. When you sing, don’t worry about the lyrics. Most of us don’t get them right. Spend on what you want. Grab all your favourite chocolate bars and spend a night enjoying your own company. Cry over things that made you feel bad, but never again, let that happen to you. Move ahead, don’t think of what has happened. Don’t tell someone to stay around. The ones who love you and will stick to you like glue. Dream a lot. Talk about what you want to do. But, don’t just talk. Work hard. Work hard and go grab your dreams. When you fall in love, never worry. Just fall, love. Love without thinking of a god damn thing. The most beautiful things happen, and you never realize. Love is exactly like that. Don’t wait for it to happen. It will happen, maybe, when you’ll totally give up on it. But, it will. I promise. Be happy, live the life you have. Let your worries take a back seat, while you enjoy the sunshine that kisses your cheek every morning, and I am sure one day, you’ll realize that life is not about happy endings, but whatever that happens before the end.

happy

For Gloomy Days

If you are having a bad day or if you just need a reason to smile, here are few lines that will make things easy.

1. Because you’re powerful.

I threw rocks on their standards of beauty
and smiled wide showing my uneven teeth
they told me I didn’t walk how I was supposed to
I still chose to dance on my bare feet

2. Because you deserve it.

you don’t deserve the lonely nights
or sleeping with fears
you don’t deserve the endless fight
or getting up with tears
you deserve the warmth
and the joy of unpredictable hugs
you deserve the flowers of spring
and all the possible goodness on earth

3. Because you can.

taste the rainbow
paint the sky
touch the clouds
believe me
you were born to fly.

4. Because egos can rest.
we sat next to the sea
with our egos kept aside
she gave me her secret
I gave her mine
in no time we realised
how lonely we have been
in no time we realised
we never lived it right
5. Because you need it.

you are blind to your own light
but trust me it’s enough to
show me the way home

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Hope these lines made you feel better. Count on me when you need a friend, and don’t forget to say hi! Have a good day!

For more, follow my page on Instagram – @untitledwhispers

Feel better.

I often feel the need of spending some time alone. It comes off as this craving to look deeper into myself and to drift away in the clouds of my own pondering. It is sort of an exercise. It takes me to this land where I find myself without masks, without anything to hide how I feel. And, it feels good.
I often look back at what I have done. I touch my scars and they seem okay. I am proud of them.

I think about my mistakes. I roam around with a lot of regrets, and this is usually the time when I think I should let them go. Each one of us is made up of multiple stories. We are constantly writing a new chapter. We are a character that has a lot of depth. But, how often do we understand who we really are? These are some existential questions and I am going to avoid them right now.

However, you need to get a microscopic view of what you are. It heals you if you do it right.
Go meet yourself for a cup of coffee today. Take yourself for a drive and enjoy the wind. Go for a walk and hear what you have to say. Cry, laugh and be okay with whoever you are.

In the end, it all comes down to accepting yourself for who you are. You are, who you are, for a lot of reasons. The reasons don’t matter anymore. What matters is how you look at yourself, what you feel about yourself when you look in the mirror in the morning.

Don’t be so harsh on yourself.

 
You don’t always get served with scoops of sky dusted with shiny stars every day.
You don’t always get to float in the gigantic sky that offers you a cloud to rest your body upon.
You don’t need it either. 
You eventually realise that stars look good only in the sky and not in your plate.
You go on to accept that the sky is too vast for your body that fits perfectly in your bed.
You don’t need magical things in life to realise how beautiful it is. 
You just need to find magic in simple things life offers.
 


(I don’t own any rights to this image. It’s used for representative purposes)

Home.

I had spent a lot of months looking for a house. I couldn’t afford a house, was struggling with a job so was looking for a house for rent. A friend allowed me to stay with him for some time, but then the feeling of being a burden just went on increasing with time and I wasn’t liking it.
Though he never showed it, I knew he wanted me to find my own place in the city.
One day, I decided to leave his house without letting him know about it.
So, I packed my bag, wrote a short note to him, left it besides his bed, and I left.
It was a decision I made within an hour and it happened to be the most important decision I had ever made.
It was raining very heavily. I didn’t know where I was going to go. But, I had decided that no matter what, I’ll never go back to my friend’s house.

I walked for an hour till I started to feel hungry. I was drenched. The rain slowed down.
I got into a random bus and ended up in an another city by the next morning.
It was still raining a bit. I ate something at a small cafe named ‘Dreams’ in front of the bus stop and then I was completely clueless.

I seriously didn’t know what to do. I had little cash. A heavy bag which made my shoulders hurt. A bottle of water and two packs of cigarettes.

I had to find a place for myself. Anytime soon. I had to have a home.
I went to the cafe again and asked the manager if I could work there for some time. He told me that I could do the job of cleaning tables and washing plates.
Bad, really bad.

But, I said yes. I kept my bag, wore the uniform and started cleaning the tables. I had no idea about why I was doing it, or for how long I would do it, but I was doing it. Because I had to do something.
The place was really small but always crowded. The best thing was, the manager gave me free food. I was sorted.
By the end of the day, I told him that I didn’t have a house. He told me that I could sleep there and work in the morning. AGAIN.
Sounded like a bad plan to me but, I said yes.

I had thought that running away would bring me closer to my goal, and I would be having the time of my life. But, there wasn’t a single touch of serendipity. Here I was, cleaning tables and dishes, and sleeping in a cafe named ‘Dreams’.
The next day, I decided that I will make the most of it. I will talk to customers, tell them amazing facts about the world, impress the ladies with my vocabulary and will make my own contacts.
So, before the cafe opened, I made a short list in my notebook of the good things about me. I didn’t include anything about my qualifications, but just the things I would want to brag about.
It was the kind of motivation I needed for myself, from myself.
‘Best things:
BETTER LOOKING than other waiters.
Knows a lot about pop culture.
I can sing.
I can dance.
Funny. No no wait
Better vocab
I can run away anytime I want
Better looking than other waiters
I paint
I smell good
I look like Ryan Reynolds, no… I don’t. Maybe.’
I read it and I was ready.

Customers started coming in as usual.
No waiter ever asked the customers for the number of seats they were looking for, but then, I was an exception. Of course. (Refer the list)
I was being over friendly to everybody. I was asking them unnecessary questions and details. But, I was doing my job too.
Other waiters were just taking orders. I was the real star. (Though in my head.)
By the evening, I thought that I was wasting time. People weren’t interested. They didn’t want to hear my jokes. They didn’t want me to sing or know about pop culture. I started to feel demotivated but I was still very hopeful.
The next day, I repeated the same thing. I greeted the customers, asked them about their favorite bands, the kind of music they liked, the countries they have visited and so on.
The previous job I was doing, gave me a lot more money. But, this was interesting. And the best part was this uniform had a panda on it. (Though I never understood the reason, but hey, pandas.)
Though I could completely be the manager and handle ‘Dreams’ in a better way, but life wanted me to work as a waiter.A few days later, customers started to smile at me, they asked me what my name was, and were all friendly and also gave me tips. I started painting for the cafe. I painted the walls, the door. The place was much cooler now.

In a week, I was known as the star waiter. I made a lot of friends, my contacts increased with time, and the job became easier
But, I still didn’t have a house. I was not at home. It made me upset but didn’t stop me from working.
One night, I was outside the cafe, leaning on a wall, feeling extremely sad. I wanted to have my own house. I wanted to be at home.
It was drizzling.

The cafe was shut. The shutter was down. I was supposed to be inside, sleeping. But, I was not.
A man came walking like the drizzle. Slowly, as gently as possible, making every footstep audible.

“I am really hungry. I have little money. I have left my house and I have no idea where I am going. Do you have water or something to eat?”

I smiled. Seemed like a similar scenario. I was not supposed to open the cafe, but was some inexplicable reason, I opened the cafe for him.
He seemed to be poor and helpless. I gave him a cup of hot coffee and a burger.
While he was eating, I saw a part of me in him.
Hungry, needy, and most importantly, homeless.
He was insisting me to accept the little amount of money he had, but I didn’t.
I told him to visit us again, anytime soon.

After few days, I read it in a newspaper, that the same man who I met that night, was missing. And his daughter was looking for him. I immediately called up on the number,

“Hi, this is Matt. I work at the Dreams. Your father visited us a few days back at 2 am at night. That was the last time I saw him. He told me that he had no idea about where he was going. I told him to visit us soon.”
The girl started crying.
“My father.. he is mentally sick. He has a bad memory. He.. he might not come back.”
I felt really bad for the girl.
“That’s terrible. If he ever visits us again, or if I see him somewhere, I’ll give you a call. ” I said.
“Give me the cafe’s address.”
I gave her the address.

The girl’s name was Sarah, and she started visiting the cafe daily in the hope that she’ll see her father again.
Even I couldn’t stop thinking of that man. I used to go outside the cafe and look for him. Especially, at night.
Sarah was a teacher. So, after she used to get done with her school, she used to come to the cafe.

Gradually, Sarah and I became really good friends. She used to tell me everything about her father. She spoke about her childhood, her hobbies, her dreams. She loved her father immensely.

She was a beautiful person, with a lot of hope.
She was very fond of me and we eventually fell for each other.

Everyone who knew about Sarah and her father, had started to assume that he is dead. Unfortunately, that seemed possible too. But, Sarah was still hopeful, and so was I.

There were no signs of him, no one saw him anywhere.

But after a month, I saw him outside the cafe in a very terrible condition. Looking lost. Sarah was in school.
I ran out and told him to come inside. I called Sarah  and she came in no time.  When Sarah looked at her father, she couldn’t stop crying. I had seen a lot of reunions in my life, but this was possibly the most magical one. It seemed like someone came to life, again.

Sarah cried and hugged him really tightly. Everyone at the cafe was emotional.
I stood at a distance, teary eyed and happy. Happy about the fact that Sarah finally met her father.

I was looking at them in awe, when Sarah called me near her and hugged both of us together, and that very moment when she embraced us,

I finally felt, at home.

Had written this short story two years ago.  I could have written it in a better way, but this one’s still close to my heart. Open to feedback.

Love doesn’t understand

love doesn’t understand time zones
so it’ll ask me to call you at an odd hour like 2 am
love doesn’t understand what it means
when you say ‘I’m busy’
so it’ll ask me to message you
9 times in a row
love doesn’t understand you’re
half the world away from me
so it’ll make me want to meet you
every now and then

and that’s all I want you to know
that love doesn’t understand
a thing darling,

so, I hope you do.

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Something You Should Know

Here’s something I always wanted you to know // You don’t need to necessarily feel perfect. You don’t have to be beautiful or unaffected.
You have to understand that there will be days when you will become a victim of your own thoughts. And then there will be nights when you just want to disconnect from everyone for a while. You don’t have to please everyone. You can’t and you shouldn’t.
 
It’s okay to feel guilty or upset. It’s okay to feel things because that’s what keeps you alive.
However, don’t fail to find happiness. Because, it is always around you.
Remember –
Stars will always be there in the sky. And flowers will continue to smell good. The sky will always be the biggest canvas we’ll ever know. And, the sea will always hear your story.
There is enough love in the world to keep you warm. There is enough light to show you the way. There is enough magic to make everything fine.
And finally – I want you to know that the world might be a gloomy place today. But, the sun will be out tomorrow – shining like it has never been low.
I want you to know that no matter where life takes you, you will always have a warrior along. A warrior who will never give up. A warrior – that’s you.
Life